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Now I know that we don't spend a lot of time together, baby I know that. But you know that I am out here trying to make things happen and get this money. I appreciate you staying here with me through it all and these silly escapades into my life in SK is the only way that I can connect with you anymore. So before I put on the Barry White album and I light you up like Christmas I wanted to slow it down and talk about the stupid little things that make me want...uhm...well...cut you!

All joking aside I truly respect South Korea but with everything else in life the good comes with some undesirable bads. Now I am the first to admit that my perception is limited but I will remain veracious as possible. And for those of you reading this before coming to South Korea keep a positive mindset and keep researching and reading. So let's get started with the least irritable things and we'll move our way up.



10) Limited Book Selection - Despite what many people might think, there are book stores out here that have books in English. Although if you're an avid reader than you are going to wish that you bought and iPad or a Kindle and packed it with tons of books before you came out here. Because I don't know how much longer I can reread Lord of the Flies.


9) Buying Clothes - When you get here you only have a limited selection of threads to choose from. So understand that your students will see you in the same several shirts A LOT! So if you lose weight, gain weight, or you get your favorite pair of jeans marked up in red crayon by a 4 year old(GAHH!! KEVIN) you will have to consider buying clothes from local outlets. If you are lucky you can find a no name thrift store that you can pick up some cheap, cheap hand-me-downs. But if you are fully figured you WILL have some trouble. I am going to stop there so as not to proliferate any stereotypes but I will say this: "Ladies I am not ashamed to say that where I come from, my ass is considered a piece of art ;)"


8) Where's the Rum? - This one is pretty self explanatory. Every E-Mart, Lotte Mart, and Rich Mart that I've been to doesn't sell Rum. There is also a selection of wine, vodka, soju, whiskey, gin and other spirits. To all the guys out there, I'm sorry but I'm a Cocktail Guy and proud of it. However it's hard trying to unwind properly without a nice glass of rum in hand.


7) Super Sweet Sweets - I have a notorious sweet tooth and I enjoy feeding it an array of cookies and candy from time to time. However the candy here in South Korea make you second guess your consumption habits. A lot of Korean sweets are REALLY sweet to a point where even a little is too much. Which is sad because now I have to add Candy to my list of fears; next to snakes, babies, bears, baby bears, and spiders.




6) Ambiguity Galore - For all of you who truly know me, you know that I am a huge fan of efficiency. When you ask me to do something I pride myself on my aptitude and showmanship on completing said task. While working here I have noticed a huge gap in our cultural conversation styles. Conversation here with Koreans is more implicit whereas English is way more explicit. There is a lot of guessing of the When's and Where's things need to be done. So just be ready to ask a lot of questions so just bring your patience in boat loads and not just for the students.


5) Stop Gawking Please - When you patiently and humbly accept that you are the new kid on the block and that you are different you still have to deal the staring. And I know this may just be my personal preference but I can't stand when people stare at me. I'm not self conscious but I will go rabid if you don't take your eyes off the back of my head!

Again I understand that the staring is motivated by innocent curiosity but don't eyeball me while the whole time I am sitting, eating, shopping, etc. And Yes, yes I completely forgot that I am black, I know that I am tall, and I know how to read Korean, so please tell the whole train car to STOP LOOKING AT ME!


4) Zero Personal Space - Again with the cultural differences. I enjoy a conversation as much as the next person but there are rules. If you can see the fillings in my mouth then please take a step back. I am Pro-Personal Space, I am so adamant about my personal space that I will stop an entire conversation if you are too close. How awkward is that? One minute we are talking and laughing then all of a sudden I stop talking and stare at you until you adjust yourself...haha..yeah.. Great Times...


3) Put the Phones Away! - Now this just bothers me from an ethical standpoint. Why is that students as young as 6 have cell phones? I understand that times changes and the importance of cultural paradigm shifts but c'mon! Who is my little student calling and texting during my class?! And when you ask about it to your director its always, "It's Okay." No, dumbass it's NOT okay. It's called an educational barrier. You want me to teach them English with limited resources, fine. But don't give them external stimuli to distract the students. A perfect example is this 7 year old student who texts his grandmother during class no matter how much I ask him not to. Despite my illogical request the mother and the grandmother have the nerve to call the school and complain why the student is not improving in English. My only reply to that is "I don't have time for this."


2) Over-the-Top Loudness - In the states we are known for our unique ability to tell you "Shut Up" or "Be Quiet." I can't tell you how much I have been told that I talk really low and too quietly. This is funny to me because I come back with "Yeah, that's weird because has anyone told you that you're just loud...I'm sorry did you hear me?"

Seriously, all the conversations seem to be miked here. We have big "Hello's" and "Goodbyes" which is exciting at times yet annoying at other times.


1) Other Foreigners - The number one annoyance on the list is observing other foreigners from my home country. If you are young, like myself, you can use this experience as a very good and positive platform. Some people use this experience to do some soul searching and find an inner strength while running into other like minded people that you can hang onto for a lifetime. Other people, however, use their time in South Korea as a launch pad to prolong their indecisiveness and prolong their college drunken stupor. It pains me not only to hear but also to see other fellow expats acting downright stupid. Now not everyone is fit to be an ambassador for their country but show some self-restraint and have some class.

Another thing that rubs me the wrong way is the heavy ethnocentric attitude that comes with Expat Expectations. When you go into a 7-11 in Korea don't just start rambling off in English and just expect the person to just know what you're talking about. You are in South Korea, it would take you all of 20 seconds to master how to ask a question in Korean. And don't get mad at other people because you don't understand and now your ego is shot. Get over it there is no "saving face" because you don't have one here. I'm sorry if you feel differently but let's put it into perspective. You are an English Teacher on a temporary stay in South Korea. You are a guest in their home, so don't be careless and wreck the place. Because you never know, one day they probably won't invite you back over...

Joe - OUT!!